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039 — The Badass Buddha, Lori Monaco. She Helps People Live a Warrior Mindfulness Lifestyle

In her own words, Lori Monaco finally woke the "F" up! And as a result, she teaches clients how to be a disruptor and unapologetically courageous!

Dr. Lori Monaco is the founder and CEO of Align Yourself Inc. She is a Narcissistic/Toxic Relationship Abuse Coach, Mindfulness Teacher, Workshop Facilitator, and a Chiropractic Physician.

Known as the Badass Buddha, she is a Disruptor, Unapologetically Courageous, Spiritually Grounded, Magically Orgasmic, and Beyond Authentic. She is a Warrior, stepping into her greatness in middle age by evicting three decades of depression, low self-worth, people-pleasing, and playing small. A former narcissist and asshole super attractor, Lori now teaches other women how to be the Warrior in their own lives.

Christina and Lori discuss how after living most of her life playing small and being very insecure, and living with depression, Lori hit a massive rock bottom place in middle age and how that helped her become the Badass Buddha.

Questions

  • I have to start this off with Badass Buddha. Where does that come from?
  • What is your journey kinda been like?
  • What were some of the ups and downs, and pitfalls, that got you to here?
  • What made you transition from all of that, into now trying to help other people?
  • What made you make that decision?
  • What does the other side look like, once you've conquered that?
  • What are some experiences that you've been able to have that you probably wouldn't have as your old self?
  • They're like, I need to do something. What advice would you have? Like where should they start?
    What should they do?
  • So who do you like to work with?
  • Who is like your favorite customers?

Links and Resources

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Read Full Transcript

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- Hey, busy business people.

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I am here today with another
"Entrepreneurs Taking Action,"

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the Badass Buddha, Lori Monaco.

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She helps people live a
warrior mindfulness lifestyle,

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and I'm getting to scoop
today on how she does it.

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(upbeat music)

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All right, so I have to start
this off with Badass Buddha.

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Where does that come from?

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- So I have a morning show,

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it's a Facebook, YouTube live show.

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And when my co-host and I,

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we've had it for about two years now,

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and when my co-host and I
were deciding to do this,

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we also wanted to have
some nicknames for ourself.

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And I had been toying with
the idea of these two words

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together, for like the
eight months prior to,

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because it stands for me.

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And I forgot to ask you,
Christina, ahead of time,

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am I allowed to swear on
your podcast or am I not?

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- Yes.
- Okay, good.

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Absolutely.

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I love being authentic,

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and if that's authentic, then go.

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- My kind girl, (Christina laughing)

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and let me tell you,
that's exactly how I am

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with my stuff as well.

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So what it was, the Badass
Buddha describes me.

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It's 50% namaste, and
50% go fuck yourself.

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It is something that I decided

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that really was my new life,

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after living most of my life

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playing small and being very insecure,

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and living with depression.

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And then hitting a massive rock
bottom place at middle age,

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and then stepping out
at 46 and a half going,

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Okay Yeah, I'm kind of
done with all of this.

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And then two more years, and
then another year of growth

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and then stepping into the Badass Buddha.

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Because, I was always compassionate.

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That piece I got, I had
it down, the Buddha part.

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But the Badass part, I
never had that down before.

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And now that is exactly
how I live my life.

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So, as we were talking prior to going on,

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starting the podcast,

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it's the brand.

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It has become part of my brand,

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which has really become
a very effective tool

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in what I do for a living of helping,

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especially specifically women,

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overcome barriers and become
the badass in their life,

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and yeah, be a Badass Buddha.

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(Christina laughs)

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- Yeah, I know you had
shared with me prior to this,

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that you had a moment
where you woke the fuck up

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and now you help other
people do that, too.

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What is your journey kinda been like?

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What were some of the ups
and downs, and pitfalls,

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that got you to here?

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- So, I mean, you don't know
what you know, until, you know.

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So, I knew I wasn't
really happy with my life

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and I wasn't doing the things
that I really wanted to do,

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but I didn't really know how bad it was.

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And I didn't realize how blind I was.

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I was not seeing things that
were right in front of me.

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I wasn't paying attention to things,

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and it wasn't until I got
a massive wake up call

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when I was...

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It was about two months,

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let me see, October, November, December,

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three months shy of my
45th, 46th birthday,

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when my whole personal life
exploded right in front of me.

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Stuff happened that I had no idea about.

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My husband was just living
a completely separate life,

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and I wasn't aware of it.

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And the thing that really got me was,

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I did see things, but
I refused to see them.

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And it was very shocking,

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and the reason was most impactful for me,

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was this was husband number two.

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I had already went through
a really rough time

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with husband number one.

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And he knew when we
started dating that I did.

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And yet, he just really messed me up

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by just lying from the get go.

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And so, when I hit that rock bottom place,

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it lasted six months.

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It was a very bad depressive
episode, three weeks suicidal.

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But when I decided not to kill myself,

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and I said, okay, I gotta do the work.

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I've gotta figure this out.

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This can't ever happen again,

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because then there is no
other alternative, you know?

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So when I started to work on myself,

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and it took six months of real hard work

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and then another six months,
and then another six months.

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But then I became extremely
grateful for the wake up call.

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Like within a year, I
was extremely grateful

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for the wake up call.

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It was harsh, but there
were other times in my life

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where I was hit with something else,

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and it wasn't harsh enough

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to get me to change my trajectory.

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And so, that's why I really
say that, like I woke the F up.

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Because what would've been considered

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the dark night of the soul,

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which was a six month dark night,

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it was what I needed
be to become the person

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that I always was meant to be.

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I was always there, but I was
either too afraid to show it,

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or I was knocked down by people.

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Because what I was in
and would later discover

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after a couple of years
of working on myself,

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is I was in nothing but toxic
narcissistic relationships.

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And that takes its toll on an individual.

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And once all this stuff
came to light, I was like,

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Whew! Thank you, thank you!

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I'm thanking whoever I need to thank

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to say, yeah, it was great to wake up.

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And here I am, and I'm
not holding back now.

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- What made you transition
from all of that,

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into now trying to help other people?

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It was a lot of work for you
to help yourself, obviously,

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but now to turn around and do
that again for other people

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and, kind of keep going
through that with them.

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What made you make that decision?

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- Well, and I think that's
how a lot of coaches.

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They hit a point in their life

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and then they change, and they transform

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with the help of a therapist,
a coach, and themselves.

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And then they decide, I wanna help people.

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I've always been a person
who wants to help people.

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I mean, by trade I'm a chiropractor.

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I have lots and lots
of education behind me.

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I taught for years, sciences.

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I taught about pathologies,
including depression.

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And I was always helping
people, my students,

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get through things because
I just get close to people.

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And so that was always there.

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But when I came through
what I came through,

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I really said to myself,

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I don't ever want somebody
to feel like I did.

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Like to feel, so nothing, so minimal,

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that you would wanna
end your life because,

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the pain was so great and
that you didn't think that

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you can get past it, and
that people made you feel.

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And I say that loosely,

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because nobody can make
you feel any sort of way.

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But when you're in a toxic relationship

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and especially a narcissistic one,

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they really are good at manipulating.

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So you will feel that way.

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And I didn't wanna ever let anybody

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feel the way that I felt.

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And so if I could reach out to them

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before they got to that place,

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or even if they were at that place,

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and then they needed a way out,

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that's when I decided, I've gotta do this.

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Like I've gotta coach.

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And it was very natural to me.

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And it's not just coaching,
it's group workshops.

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And I do so much out there,

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and there's a good
portion of it that's free.

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That I'm always opening,
platforms for people

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to be able to share what
they're going through.

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And it's every day I'm
privileged to do it,

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because, I had never
realized how many people

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have been in toxic relationships.

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And I don't think people
really even realize

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that they're in a toxic
relationship half the time.

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They just assume it's normal,

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especially if they were raised in one,

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and then they just attract the
rest of them in their lives.

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And so when I hear these,
women and the men too,

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because the workshops are for everybody,

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but the coaching specifically for women,

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but when I hear them or they'll comment,

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depending on what platform I'm on,

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and they'll be saying things like,

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"Oh my God, that's exactly
what he said to me."

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or "That's exactly what she
did, and I can't believe this."

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"This is mind blowing to me."

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"I didn't even know
that that was that bad."

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And I feel good because I'm
giving them information.

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That's what I'm good at.

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I'm a good teacher.

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I've always been a really good teacher.

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And that part I knew,

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even when I was not believing in myself,

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I always knew I was a good teacher.

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But now it's at a totally different level,

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you know what I'm taking it to,

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and what I'm bringing to the table.

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- We kind of went through
what got you here,

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but let's talk about what the
other side of that looks like.

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Let's inspire people that,
it does get better, right?

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So if you're hearing yourself like,

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yeah, oh man, I've been
there, I'm still there.

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What does the other side look like,

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once you've conquered that?

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- The other side, Yes.

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First off there are
people on the other side,

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and there are people on
the way to the other side,

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and there's people on your side.

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And I think that's the hardest thing

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is that people don't,

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they can't imagine
getting to the other side

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because they're so stuck in
where they are right now.

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And there will always
be people along the way.

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Even the people who are on the other side

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will come over and help you,
if you know where to look.

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And the other side is fabulous
because you become a person

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that you never thought possible.

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You create these incredible boundaries,

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incredibly healthy boundaries.

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You surround yourself by
people who understand you,

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don't think you're crazy,
and are so grounded.

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It's nothing but love and compassion

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and kindness and support.

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And here's the interesting thing,

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when you get to the other side,

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sometimes even when you
get to the other side,

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'cause this happens to
all of us including me,

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and I teach people.

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So even for me, you
sometimes will fall back

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into the other side.

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You'll cross the good to the good side,

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and then sometimes you will
fall back into the other side,

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because trauma is like that.

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You don't know how much
of yourself you've healed

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and what you've passed,
and what you've let go of,

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until you're either faced with it again,

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the trauma or a trigger.

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Even me, in my growth.

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I mean, I had depression for 30 years

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and when I made that choice
of getting out of it,

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it was gone.

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Like it was gone within a
couple of weeks of that choice,

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and I just kept growing,

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and I hadn't had it in
five years until last year.

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Which I didn't expect,

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'cause I thought I was past it.

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I thought I was on that other side.

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And by summertime, at the end of summer,

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I was in a really, I was spiraling down.

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And I saw it, and I felt
it, and I recognized it,

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but I couldn't stop.

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Thank God it wasn't as
fast as the other time,

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and I knew I had to get
out of it, and switch it.

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And then I did.

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People were noticing it,
I was asking for help.

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So, we do get into those moments

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where we think we've passed
it, but we have to check.

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We have to always be aware.

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There was a trigger.

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Something triggered me last year.

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But it was so great to know
that I had already built up

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a phenomenal support system

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that I felt comfortable
enough to ask for help.

00:12:07.528 --> 00:12:08.880
'Cause you have a vulnerability there

00:12:08.880 --> 00:12:10.470
when you have to do that.

00:12:10.470 --> 00:12:14.640
And they were also
present enough in my life,

00:12:14.640 --> 00:12:17.040
to recognize that I needed help.

00:12:17.040 --> 00:12:18.960
So it wasn't even sometimes that I asked,

00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:20.947
they were coming to me and saying,

00:12:20.947 --> 00:12:22.987
"Okay, what's going on?

00:12:22.987 --> 00:12:25.080
"We gotta get you out of
this, blah, blah blah."

00:12:25.080 --> 00:12:27.963
So, the other side is fantastic.

00:12:30.150 --> 00:12:32.700
I always think of like,
I'm not a big sweet,

00:12:32.700 --> 00:12:35.400
I'm not a sweet person and
I'm not a big sugar fan,

00:12:35.400 --> 00:12:37.050
but I have to admit,

00:12:37.050 --> 00:12:38.490
in my mind, when you say,

00:12:38.490 --> 00:12:40.110
use that word about the other side,

00:12:40.110 --> 00:12:44.250
I visualize that moment in Willie Wonka,

00:12:44.250 --> 00:12:45.899
in the original Willie
Wonka 'cause I'm older.

00:12:45.899 --> 00:12:46.732
(Christina laughing)

00:12:46.732 --> 00:12:48.540
I saw both, but I like the original.

00:12:48.540 --> 00:12:51.840
Is when they open up the
door to the candy room

00:12:51.840 --> 00:12:53.970
and there's everything's edible.

00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:56.490
And it's just like a dream come true.

00:12:56.490 --> 00:12:57.900
And you're like, oh I got the candy.

00:12:57.900 --> 00:13:00.053
And that's what it's like.

00:13:00.986 --> 00:13:02.127
That's what it's like.

00:13:02.127 --> 00:13:05.190
And there are times where
it won't be as easy,

00:13:05.190 --> 00:13:10.190
but you have such beauty
and warmth around you

00:13:10.620 --> 00:13:13.470
and you are stronger
than you think sometimes,

00:13:13.470 --> 00:13:16.120
and it becomes evident when
you're on the other side.

00:13:17.940 --> 00:13:19.890
- What are some things
that's happened to you

00:13:19.890 --> 00:13:22.170
that, just because you've done this work

00:13:22.170 --> 00:13:23.228
and you've gotten to there,

00:13:23.228 --> 00:13:25.320
what are some experiences
that you've been able to have

00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:28.140
that you probably wouldn't
have as your old self?

00:13:28.140 --> 00:13:33.140
- Well, I knew a lot of people

00:13:34.410 --> 00:13:36.060
and I thought I was a good friend.

00:13:36.060 --> 00:13:37.710
This was before my transformation.

00:13:37.710 --> 00:13:39.300
And then I had to come to terms with,

00:13:39.300 --> 00:13:41.010
I wasn't as good of a friend as I thought.

00:13:41.010 --> 00:13:45.990
I came from a real mindset of
scarcity or mindset of lack.

00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:48.780
So I was always a very
envious, jealous person.

00:13:48.780 --> 00:13:52.950
When I let that go, some
friendships fell off.

00:13:52.950 --> 00:13:54.630
Like they just were not serving me,

00:13:54.630 --> 00:13:57.450
they were really very toxic,

00:13:57.450 --> 00:13:59.010
but I was right there with 'em.

00:13:59.010 --> 00:14:01.110
So it was like, we were
all toxic together,

00:14:01.110 --> 00:14:02.790
so I'm not blaming them.

00:14:02.790 --> 00:14:04.740
So they went,

00:14:04.740 --> 00:14:07.710
I ended up getting bonded
stronger with friends

00:14:07.710 --> 00:14:09.240
that I had for years

00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:11.430
because they got to see
a different side of me

00:14:11.430 --> 00:14:13.680
and we had a better relationship.

00:14:13.680 --> 00:14:16.170
Then I ended up becoming
friends with so many people.

00:14:16.170 --> 00:14:18.300
I started networking with people,

00:14:18.300 --> 00:14:22.860
and people, I would just connect
and I would not let them go

00:14:22.860 --> 00:14:25.260
and say, even if we don't talk that much,

00:14:25.260 --> 00:14:26.970
I always refer to people as,

00:14:26.970 --> 00:14:28.470
hello my friend, how are you?

00:14:28.470 --> 00:14:30.030
I always say that.

00:14:30.030 --> 00:14:32.610
And I don't care if they feel it or not.

00:14:32.610 --> 00:14:33.810
I mean, I don't hold back.

00:14:33.810 --> 00:14:36.780
And so, what I've learned is that,

00:14:36.780 --> 00:14:38.880
or what's been open to me,

00:14:38.880 --> 00:14:42.150
is the ability to connect
on a level with people

00:14:42.150 --> 00:14:44.820
that I had never thought possible.

00:14:44.820 --> 00:14:47.310
I connected before.

00:14:47.310 --> 00:14:49.200
People always felt
comfortable telling me things,

00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:54.200
especially when I was a teacher,
but now it is so different.

00:14:54.780 --> 00:14:58.140
And with the groups, the
things that I do now,

00:14:58.140 --> 00:15:01.320
the platforms that I offer to people,

00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:05.580
people share stories that
are just dumbfounding to me

00:15:05.580 --> 00:15:07.590
about what they've gone through,

00:15:07.590 --> 00:15:09.450
or what they're going through.

00:15:09.450 --> 00:15:13.140
And I would've never had that opportunity,

00:15:13.140 --> 00:15:17.343
had I not had that shift in my life.

00:15:18.640 --> 00:15:20.550
And, especially lately,

00:15:20.550 --> 00:15:24.780
this has really been culminating
as of the last two months.

00:15:24.780 --> 00:15:26.670
Like it's funny in all these years,

00:15:26.670 --> 00:15:28.260
but the last two months especially

00:15:28.260 --> 00:15:33.180
have been unbelievably crazy
with these connections.

00:15:33.180 --> 00:15:37.440
And I am, every day I'm
writing in my gratitude list.

00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:40.800
I am so grateful to have these individuals

00:15:40.800 --> 00:15:41.910
share these stories with me,

00:15:41.910 --> 00:15:43.950
to feel comfortable enough with me,

00:15:43.950 --> 00:15:47.580
to be there and be present for them,

00:15:47.580 --> 00:15:50.160
and learn so much from them.

00:15:50.160 --> 00:15:52.770
And it to the point where it's
almost overwhelming sometimes

00:15:52.770 --> 00:15:54.090
not in a bad way,

00:15:54.090 --> 00:15:56.850
but sometimes energetically
it's overwhelming.

00:15:56.850 --> 00:15:59.130
And I have to ground myself in.

00:15:59.130 --> 00:16:03.670
But that, I would've
never experienced that

00:16:05.684 --> 00:16:09.390
and been reminded so often
from these individuals

00:16:09.390 --> 00:16:12.120
of how incredible we are as humans

00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:17.120
and how much we hold back and how we...

00:16:20.057 --> 00:16:21.390
And it is our choice,

00:16:21.390 --> 00:16:23.640
sometimes conscious
sometimes subconsciously.

00:16:24.630 --> 00:16:29.010
But, if we give people a chance
and we let them know that

00:16:29.010 --> 00:16:31.860
you can and give them permission to do it

00:16:31.860 --> 00:16:33.180
and come from a loving place.

00:16:33.180 --> 00:16:35.760
And so that's, I've surrounded
myself by all these people.

00:16:35.760 --> 00:16:37.380
They're just, it's like one after another.

00:16:37.380 --> 00:16:39.360
It's like, we'll get on a altogether.

00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:40.500
And it's like a love Fest.

00:16:40.500 --> 00:16:45.480
I would've never been open
to that on that level,

00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:50.480
because I was coming from
such a place of lack.

00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:52.890
So yeah, it's been cool.

00:16:52.890 --> 00:16:54.903
It's been a very, very cool ride.

00:16:56.610 --> 00:16:57.960
- That's awesome.

00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:01.500
What advice would you
have for someone that's,

00:17:01.500 --> 00:17:03.330
they're starting to get
a little bit inspired.

00:17:03.330 --> 00:17:04.277
They're listening to this.

00:17:04.277 --> 00:17:06.420
They're like, I need to do something.

00:17:06.420 --> 00:17:07.620
What advice would you have?

00:17:07.620 --> 00:17:08.970
Like where should they start?

00:17:08.970 --> 00:17:09.970
What should they do?

00:17:11.220 --> 00:17:13.680
- If they're finding themselves
in a situation where...

00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:16.410
Like if it's we're talking
about toxicity or trauma,

00:17:16.410 --> 00:17:17.490
or if we're just talking about somebody

00:17:17.490 --> 00:17:19.410
who's just been not motivated.

00:17:19.410 --> 00:17:21.780
They want something more for
their life, they're feeling it.

00:17:21.780 --> 00:17:24.700
First off, the fact
that you are feeling it

00:17:25.884 --> 00:17:28.050
and it's in your gut, trust it.

00:17:28.050 --> 00:17:30.600
Women we always got nailed for,

00:17:30.600 --> 00:17:33.933
oh, you can't trust in your
gut, especially in business.

00:17:34.980 --> 00:17:38.040
This intuition stuff is all BS,

00:17:38.040 --> 00:17:41.430
that's of course, the men were
saying that, and it's not.

00:17:41.430 --> 00:17:43.788
If you're feeling something within you,

00:17:43.788 --> 00:17:47.940
that making you wanna do
something else, it's a pull,

00:17:47.940 --> 00:17:49.860
go with it, trust it.

00:17:49.860 --> 00:17:53.160
And then write it down.

00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:54.367
There's an expression that says,

00:17:54.367 --> 00:17:56.647
"If you think it ink it,

00:17:56.647 --> 00:17:58.740
"because when you believe
it you'll achieve it."

00:17:58.740 --> 00:18:01.950
And if you're thinking
and feeling a certain way,

00:18:01.950 --> 00:18:04.680
then start writing it down,
then that can lead you.

00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:06.360
So if you write it down and you say,

00:18:06.360 --> 00:18:07.590
oh, well, this is interesting.

00:18:07.590 --> 00:18:10.470
Like it's telling me that I need to be,

00:18:10.470 --> 00:18:14.190
start getting motivated, and
get excited about something,

00:18:14.190 --> 00:18:17.220
then we have so many resources out there.

00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:19.860
You've got YouTube, you've got Clubhouse,

00:18:19.860 --> 00:18:21.870
you've got podcasts like yours Christina,

00:18:21.870 --> 00:18:26.870
you've got anything that
will help elevate you

00:18:27.030 --> 00:18:31.320
and help you inspire yourself
and motivate yourself.

00:18:31.320 --> 00:18:34.830
Now, and then if it's
more specific than that,

00:18:34.830 --> 00:18:36.270
if stuff's coming up for you,

00:18:36.270 --> 00:18:39.090
that feels like trauma, feels like that,

00:18:39.090 --> 00:18:42.690
then write down and then look
for those specific things.

00:18:42.690 --> 00:18:45.450
Like one of the things
that I do in my rooms,

00:18:45.450 --> 00:18:46.560
I mean, I share information.

00:18:46.560 --> 00:18:51.120
I'm not gonna sit there and
say, I'm the do all end all

00:18:51.120 --> 00:18:53.190
with all these narcissistic
conversations that I have.

00:18:53.190 --> 00:18:54.900
There's plenty of people
that talk about this.

00:18:54.900 --> 00:18:57.450
And I refer people.

00:18:57.450 --> 00:19:00.330
Like if you think you're dealing
with a toxic relationship

00:19:00.330 --> 00:19:01.710
and narcissistic relationship,

00:19:01.710 --> 00:19:05.040
or you've been, or you've
had the trauma, go on YouTube

00:19:05.040 --> 00:19:08.040
and subscribe to Dr. Ramani's channel.

00:19:08.040 --> 00:19:10.170
Because this lady that's all she does.

00:19:10.170 --> 00:19:11.130
She's a therapist.

00:19:11.130 --> 00:19:12.240
She researches.

00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:14.190
That's all she puts her mind into.

00:19:14.190 --> 00:19:15.543
She's fantastic.

00:19:16.560 --> 00:19:18.930
If you wanna forum to be able to share it,

00:19:18.930 --> 00:19:22.470
then come back to where I
am, in Clubhouse or whatever,

00:19:22.470 --> 00:19:25.320
and you can talk about this
or you could hear stories.

00:19:25.320 --> 00:19:28.230
But we all have to work together.

00:19:28.230 --> 00:19:30.030
And so don't limit yourself.

00:19:30.030 --> 00:19:34.890
Go for books, go for movies,
go for documentaries, podcasts,

00:19:34.890 --> 00:19:39.750
listen, listen, read, read, all the time

00:19:39.750 --> 00:19:42.510
because we don't get it in there.

00:19:42.510 --> 00:19:43.770
Listen, I've spoke,

00:19:43.770 --> 00:19:48.570
I taught for almost 20
years about the brain.

00:19:48.570 --> 00:19:50.700
I taught general anatomy and physiology.

00:19:50.700 --> 00:19:52.950
I taught neuroanatomy and physiology

00:19:52.950 --> 00:19:57.600
and I taught about learning and
memory and all these things.

00:19:57.600 --> 00:20:00.480
And we don't learn in one shot.

00:20:00.480 --> 00:20:01.313
We don't.

00:20:01.313 --> 00:20:03.120
We have to hear it several times.

00:20:03.120 --> 00:20:04.920
We have to read it several times.

00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:06.600
The moment you could start spewing it out

00:20:06.600 --> 00:20:08.310
is when you know you have it.

00:20:08.310 --> 00:20:10.800
And so listen to it over and over again.

00:20:10.800 --> 00:20:12.990
If it connects with you,

00:20:12.990 --> 00:20:15.090
if any of Christina's
podcast connect with you,

00:20:15.090 --> 00:20:17.520
listen to them over and over again.

00:20:17.520 --> 00:20:18.630
You don't listen the one time,

00:20:18.630 --> 00:20:19.476
listen over and over, take the notes,

00:20:19.476 --> 00:20:22.470
listen to it again,
then listen to it again.

00:20:22.470 --> 00:20:26.583
So it sinks in and gets you
to where you really wanna be.

00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:29.713
- Yeah, that is so true.

00:20:29.713 --> 00:20:31.440
It's like, I know some of the stuff

00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:33.630
like I've read certain
books over and over again,

00:20:33.630 --> 00:20:35.160
I've read 'em at least
three or four times.

00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:37.410
I'll watch certain videos
three or four times

00:20:38.608 --> 00:20:39.960
just to get it to sink in,

00:20:39.960 --> 00:20:42.300
or I'll listen to it at the same time

00:20:42.300 --> 00:20:44.100
that I'm reading the captions.

00:20:44.100 --> 00:20:46.260
So I'm kind of getting
it in like two formats

00:20:46.260 --> 00:20:47.490
one time and it'll stick--
- Yeah, that's what I do too.

00:20:47.490 --> 00:20:48.323
- A little bit. (laughing)

00:20:48.323 --> 00:20:50.760
- In fact, what I do is a
lot of times I'll get a book

00:20:50.760 --> 00:20:52.230
and I'll see if it has,

00:20:52.230 --> 00:20:55.290
'cause I also have audible,
and I'll see if it's on audible

00:20:55.290 --> 00:20:57.900
and I'll listen as I'm reading the book,

00:20:57.900 --> 00:20:59.820
like following along.

00:20:59.820 --> 00:21:01.350
I found that it doesn't always match,

00:21:01.350 --> 00:21:02.970
but it matches for the most part.

00:21:02.970 --> 00:21:04.320
So it works.

00:21:04.320 --> 00:21:07.023
But yeah, whatever way it sinks in.

00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:09.690
- I think some of the authors

00:21:09.690 --> 00:21:11.160
have started picking up on that.

00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:12.013
'Cause I was like,

00:21:12.013 --> 00:21:15.270
I was looking at this one
"Published" by Chandler Bolt

00:21:15.270 --> 00:21:17.100
and he does that on like page two,

00:21:17.100 --> 00:21:20.430
he is like, get the audio
book for free go here

00:21:20.430 --> 00:21:22.530
so that you can, he narrated it.

00:21:22.530 --> 00:21:25.770
So you're getting it from
the author as well as,

00:21:25.770 --> 00:21:28.170
so you're getting their
voice with their words.

00:21:28.170 --> 00:21:29.190
I think it's really neat.

00:21:29.190 --> 00:21:30.630
And I'm hoping that that sticks

00:21:30.630 --> 00:21:32.520
and more authors start doing it,

00:21:32.520 --> 00:21:33.720
'cause it's really cool.
- It is.

00:21:33.720 --> 00:21:35.500
And the other thing too is that,

00:21:36.570 --> 00:21:38.220
when you're doing this
over and over again,

00:21:38.220 --> 00:21:40.860
when you're hearing this reading this,

00:21:40.860 --> 00:21:42.420
you feel an emotion.

00:21:42.420 --> 00:21:44.700
And you may be at a
different emotional state

00:21:44.700 --> 00:21:48.390
each time you hear it because
it's connecting with you

00:21:48.390 --> 00:21:49.530
in a different way.

00:21:49.530 --> 00:21:52.980
And I remember one of
the things that I did,

00:21:52.980 --> 00:21:55.233
not right away, but one of the things,

00:21:56.100 --> 00:21:57.840
my friend had watched "The Secret" right?

00:21:57.840 --> 00:21:59.700
And I had never seen it before.

00:21:59.700 --> 00:22:02.190
And so I watched and I loved it, right?

00:22:02.190 --> 00:22:03.600
And so I thought I'd be slick.

00:22:03.600 --> 00:22:04.860
And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna buy it.

00:22:04.860 --> 00:22:08.730
I went on Amazon, and I ordered the DVD

00:22:08.730 --> 00:22:12.120
and I get it and I must
not have looked properly,

00:22:12.120 --> 00:22:15.990
it was an audio, it was
a CD, not the DVD, right?

00:22:15.990 --> 00:22:18.840
So I was like, oh man,
I got the wrong thing.

00:22:18.840 --> 00:22:20.817
And I was like, okay,
and I ordered the DVD

00:22:20.817 --> 00:22:22.920
and I'm like, what heck am
I gonna do with the audio?

00:22:22.920 --> 00:22:24.720
And then one day I was driving to work

00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:26.820
and I was in traffic and I'm like,

00:22:26.820 --> 00:22:28.050
oh my gosh, you know what?

00:22:28.050 --> 00:22:30.000
I got this, the CD.

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:31.320
Let me just see what it's like.

00:22:31.320 --> 00:22:32.550
And it was great.

00:22:32.550 --> 00:22:35.340
And I would just play it,
and play it, and play it,

00:22:35.340 --> 00:22:37.620
and play it, and then I'd watch
the DVD (Christina laughing)

00:22:37.620 --> 00:22:40.590
and it would get me excited
and it would get me...

00:22:40.590 --> 00:22:42.540
And I would cry for some of the stories

00:22:42.540 --> 00:22:45.960
and it was just, I needed to hear it,

00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:47.700
and I allowed myself to hear it,

00:22:47.700 --> 00:22:50.160
and I allowed myself to
watch it and feel it.

00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:52.680
And that's where real change comes from.

00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:54.270
We don't learn,

00:22:54.270 --> 00:22:57.360
I'm gonna have to get a little
geeky science nerdy here.

00:22:57.360 --> 00:23:00.810
We don't learn by just hearing something

00:23:00.810 --> 00:23:02.610
and watching something.

00:23:02.610 --> 00:23:03.570
We gotta feel it.

00:23:03.570 --> 00:23:05.580
That's just the way we're built.

00:23:05.580 --> 00:23:10.170
I don't care what anybody says,
we are emotional learners.

00:23:10.170 --> 00:23:11.003
That's who we are.

00:23:11.003 --> 00:23:12.690
I mean, research shows that we are.

00:23:12.690 --> 00:23:15.960
So any person speaking who says,

00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:17.370
oh no, you have to read this manual.

00:23:17.370 --> 00:23:21.870
If I read a manual and it was
just like this, this, this,

00:23:21.870 --> 00:23:23.460
nothing would go in.

00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:26.400
But if the person was
reading the manual to me

00:23:26.400 --> 00:23:28.410
and I'm following along and they're funny

00:23:28.410 --> 00:23:32.370
and they're like, their
voices got this interesting,

00:23:32.370 --> 00:23:35.850
I'll remember it because
I put an emotion to it

00:23:35.850 --> 00:23:37.200
because I'm thinking, oh, these is funny.

00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:39.183
This is good, this is that.

00:23:40.110 --> 00:23:42.780
So that's why it's
important to really do that.

00:23:42.780 --> 00:23:44.043
Like deep dive in.

00:23:45.854 --> 00:23:48.480
- And I mean, I think like
a lot of people know that

00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:50.130
and there's evidence of
that, like all the time.

00:23:50.130 --> 00:23:53.010
Like when you help teach
something to someone else

00:23:53.010 --> 00:23:56.040
or why you would study with a
friend when you were in school

00:23:56.040 --> 00:23:58.530
and you would create these
moments and these experiences

00:23:58.530 --> 00:24:00.030
while you're studying together,

00:24:00.030 --> 00:24:03.870
that makes you remember the
material so much better.

00:24:03.870 --> 00:24:06.720
Like I used to love that people
wanted me to help tutor them

00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:09.720
because it just sunk it
into my head even more.

00:24:09.720 --> 00:24:11.220
They would say something funnier,

00:24:11.220 --> 00:24:14.670
do something stupid or,
and it would just stick,

00:24:14.670 --> 00:24:15.503
so much better.

00:24:15.503 --> 00:24:17.040
So I think we have examples of that.

00:24:17.040 --> 00:24:18.690
Even without having to be really nerdy.

00:24:18.690 --> 00:24:21.150
I think we can all think about a moment

00:24:21.150 --> 00:24:22.050
where that worked. (laughing)

00:24:22.050 --> 00:24:23.880
- Well, and you said
something really key too,

00:24:23.880 --> 00:24:25.630
is you're you were teaching people.

00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:27.810
That's the other thing.

00:24:27.810 --> 00:24:29.730
If you're learning and you wanna dive in

00:24:29.730 --> 00:24:32.370
and start checking yourself at the door

00:24:32.370 --> 00:24:35.700
and really working and being accountable,

00:24:35.700 --> 00:24:38.520
as you learn it, share it with people,

00:24:38.520 --> 00:24:41.640
regurgitate it back out to somebody else,

00:24:41.640 --> 00:24:43.680
even if it's somebody
that you know is like,

00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:44.550
knows this already.

00:24:44.550 --> 00:24:48.090
And they're like you feel
that they're a little bit more

00:24:48.090 --> 00:24:49.830
insightful and educated than you are.

00:24:49.830 --> 00:24:50.880
But so what?

00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:53.010
Just say I'd like to share this with you

00:24:53.010 --> 00:24:54.930
because this is what I
learned and I'm excited,

00:24:54.930 --> 00:24:59.310
and that instills it in you
by saying it to somebody

00:24:59.310 --> 00:25:01.410
and teaching, somebody.

00:25:01.410 --> 00:25:03.920
So thanks for bringing that
up because that is true.

00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:07.473
It just, it brings it
even more another layer.

00:25:08.310 --> 00:25:09.180
- Yep.

00:25:09.180 --> 00:25:10.560
Well, I think when
you're talking to someone

00:25:10.560 --> 00:25:13.170
that you feel like is maybe
further along than you,

00:25:13.170 --> 00:25:15.420
and you wanna share
it, but you're nervous,

00:25:15.420 --> 00:25:17.640
one of metrics is to ask a question.

00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:19.290
So how was learning
about that the other day?

00:25:19.290 --> 00:25:20.310
Exactly what you do.

00:25:20.310 --> 00:25:21.810
And I learned that da, da, da--

00:25:21.810 --> 00:25:22.920
- Oh, nice.

00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:24.690
- And what do you think about that?

00:25:24.690 --> 00:25:26.910
Like I'd love to hear you talk about it

00:25:26.910 --> 00:25:28.017
being the expert in it.

00:25:28.017 --> 00:25:29.550
And so it can bridge that gap.

00:25:29.550 --> 00:25:30.660
- Absolutely.

00:25:30.660 --> 00:25:32.790
- And it can help you build
a connection with the expert,

00:25:32.790 --> 00:25:35.250
especially if it's something
you're interested in

00:25:35.250 --> 00:25:37.290
and you can like expand
on those relationships.

00:25:37.290 --> 00:25:39.435
And my best relationships with
people have started that way.

00:25:39.435 --> 00:25:40.290
- That's great.

00:25:40.290 --> 00:25:41.940
- Like experts and stuff that I follow.

00:25:41.940 --> 00:25:44.520
That's how we, kicked off a conversation,

00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:46.770
'cause I'm like secretly
over here fangirling.

00:25:46.770 --> 00:25:47.793
And like, (both giggling)

00:25:47.793 --> 00:25:50.280
And I'm like, I just wanna talk to them,

00:25:50.280 --> 00:25:53.190
but I feel like I don't
bring anything to the table.

00:25:53.190 --> 00:25:54.660
So like I'm gonna bring to the table,

00:25:54.660 --> 00:25:55.980
the ability for them to talk about

00:25:55.980 --> 00:25:57.330
the thing that they care about. (laughing)

00:25:57.330 --> 00:25:58.440
- Well, and see--

00:25:58.440 --> 00:25:59.356
- That's what I bring.
- So there you go,

00:25:59.356 --> 00:26:00.189
you did bring something to the table.

00:26:00.189 --> 00:26:01.920
And I think we underestimate ourselves

00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:02.940
when we say stuff like that.

00:26:02.940 --> 00:26:05.190
And I catch myself saying
stuff like that too.

00:26:05.190 --> 00:26:10.190
But I've met a handful of very
famous people in my lifetime.

00:26:11.280 --> 00:26:13.110
And what's interesting is,

00:26:13.110 --> 00:26:15.431
you do get kind of get that...

00:26:15.431 --> 00:26:17.190
And what we define as famous

00:26:17.190 --> 00:26:20.580
or what we define as somebody
that's that we admire a lot.

00:26:20.580 --> 00:26:23.400
You do get to that point where
you're like, this is just me.

00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:27.690
Like what could I possibly
have to say to this individual?

00:26:27.690 --> 00:26:30.930
But, especially those
individuals that matter

00:26:30.930 --> 00:26:34.593
the people that are really
authentic, really humbled,

00:26:35.430 --> 00:26:37.470
there's always something you can bring.

00:26:37.470 --> 00:26:38.610
There's always something,

00:26:38.610 --> 00:26:40.260
you can ask a question a certain way

00:26:40.260 --> 00:26:42.270
or you can make a statement a certain way

00:26:42.270 --> 00:26:46.080
and it will bring them to another level

00:26:46.080 --> 00:26:48.270
because you'll get them to
think in a different level.

00:26:48.270 --> 00:26:51.240
And so yes, I think, yeah.

00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:53.070
And that's a really good way

00:26:53.070 --> 00:26:55.020
to make people feel less uncomfortable.

00:26:55.020 --> 00:26:57.780
I love that idea that you suggested.

00:26:57.780 --> 00:26:58.773
That's wonderful.

00:27:00.360 --> 00:27:01.560
- That's awesome.

00:27:01.560 --> 00:27:03.750
Well, I know we're kind of
wrapping up on our time here

00:27:03.750 --> 00:27:06.210
cause I try and keep
these 20, 30 minutes-ish,

00:27:06.210 --> 00:27:09.060
so people get these nice little
sound bites of inspiration.

00:27:09.060 --> 00:27:12.960
So I wanna give you an opportunity
to tell more about you.

00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:14.940
So who do you like to work with?

00:27:14.940 --> 00:27:17.970
Who is like your favorite customers?

00:27:17.970 --> 00:27:20.520
- So, I have a co...

00:27:20.520 --> 00:27:22.170
My coaching we'll start with my coaching.

00:27:22.170 --> 00:27:24.060
My coaching is for women.

00:27:24.060 --> 00:27:26.040
I do in person and group coaching,

00:27:26.040 --> 00:27:29.340
but it's for women who are either in,

00:27:29.340 --> 00:27:32.760
or have been in a narcissistic
or toxic relationship

00:27:32.760 --> 00:27:36.180
and are dealing with things
like depression, anxiety,

00:27:36.180 --> 00:27:40.350
PTSD, CPTSD, or
narcissistic abuse syndrome,

00:27:40.350 --> 00:27:42.300
which some people don't
even know they have that.

00:27:42.300 --> 00:27:47.300
And I work with women who
are wanting to get past that,

00:27:47.880 --> 00:27:49.230
to move forward.

00:27:49.230 --> 00:27:52.920
So I take a lot of people
that are new to coaching.

00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:55.470
I take a lot of women who've
been in coaching before,

00:27:55.470 --> 00:27:57.240
but just never dealt with that piece.

00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:58.470
They might have done business coaching

00:27:58.470 --> 00:28:01.980
and they might be really successful,

00:28:01.980 --> 00:28:04.620
but they never got past that other piece

00:28:04.620 --> 00:28:06.450
that's just weighing on them.

00:28:06.450 --> 00:28:08.640
So that's the coaching piece.

00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:10.590
The workshops that I teach,

00:28:10.590 --> 00:28:12.480
I teach mindfulness workshops

00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:16.410
in corporate healthcare
workers to educators,

00:28:16.410 --> 00:28:18.030
and that's the mindfulness piece.

00:28:18.030 --> 00:28:22.230
But then I also have the
narcissistic toxic relationship

00:28:22.230 --> 00:28:26.220
pieces, where I just offer
workshops and webinars

00:28:26.220 --> 00:28:29.730
to anybody, male or female.

00:28:29.730 --> 00:28:31.020
I teach them about it.

00:28:31.020 --> 00:28:34.850
On Clubhouse, we have open forums about it

00:28:34.850 --> 00:28:36.480
to discuss and share stories.

00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:40.380
And so, that's what I mean, my paid stuff,

00:28:40.380 --> 00:28:43.050
my paid stuff are the workshops.

00:28:43.050 --> 00:28:44.340
The workshops for corporate,

00:28:44.340 --> 00:28:47.100
the mindfulness workshops
and the coaching.

00:28:47.100 --> 00:28:49.770
But the free stuff are the webinars

00:28:49.770 --> 00:28:51.750
and the Clubhouse forum.

00:28:51.750 --> 00:28:56.550
So there's many ways to educate
yourself with me, (chuckles)

00:28:56.550 --> 00:28:58.740
without necessarily even spending money.

00:28:58.740 --> 00:29:02.943
So, again, it's just about
getting the info out there.

00:29:04.830 --> 00:29:07.320
- Now, where can someone find
you if they wanna contact you

00:29:07.320 --> 00:29:09.360
or learn more about your
workshops or your coaching?

00:29:09.360 --> 00:29:12.720
- So you can go to my
website, drlorimonaco.com.

00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:15.960
On social media, I'm on
Instagram as thebadassbuddha1,

00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:20.190
I'm on Facebook and
LinkedIn as Dr. Lori Monaco.

00:29:20.190 --> 00:29:21.023
I'm on TikTok,

00:29:21.023 --> 00:29:23.160
but I don't like to mention
TikTok all that much,

00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:25.230
especially my kids don't
want me to mention TikTok

00:29:25.230 --> 00:29:26.190
all that much.

00:29:26.190 --> 00:29:28.620
And I'm in Clubhouse,

00:29:28.620 --> 00:29:30.960
and I have actually a Club of my own.

00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:33.090
I have two, one Club that I co-host,

00:29:33.090 --> 00:29:35.130
one Club of my own Narcissist 101,

00:29:35.130 --> 00:29:38.400
and I'm in multiple rooms
aside from my own Clubs,

00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:41.613
and just find it by name Dr. Lori Monaco.

00:29:43.290 --> 00:29:44.123
- All right, cool.

00:29:44.123 --> 00:29:45.090
We'll try and make sure we drop links

00:29:45.090 --> 00:29:46.920
wherever you guys are
watching this episode at

00:29:46.920 --> 00:29:48.870
all over the internet.

00:29:48.870 --> 00:29:50.797
There should be links somewhere,

00:29:50.797 --> 00:29:53.340
near by the video.
- Somewhere they'll be there.

00:29:53.340 --> 00:29:55.710
- Some where yeah exactly.

00:29:55.710 --> 00:29:57.840
So, is there anything else
that you would like to share

00:29:57.840 --> 00:29:59.970
with our audience before we wrap it up?

00:29:59.970 --> 00:30:02.523
- I just want people to realize that,

00:30:03.360 --> 00:30:05.550
if you're feeling some sort of way,

00:30:05.550 --> 00:30:06.660
if you're feeling stuck

00:30:06.660 --> 00:30:11.660
and don't like block out the voice within.

00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:13.920
Whatever, be still for a moment,

00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:16.290
give yourself some space, honor yourself,

00:30:16.290 --> 00:30:18.450
take moments for yourself.

00:30:18.450 --> 00:30:21.638
We are always our own worst enemy.

00:30:21.638 --> 00:30:23.850
And it doesn't matter what
level of success you are,

00:30:23.850 --> 00:30:26.070
or if you feel like you are a failure,

00:30:26.070 --> 00:30:30.030
wherever, any element
you are in your life,

00:30:30.030 --> 00:30:33.660
just if you feel that
within you, take pause,

00:30:33.660 --> 00:30:36.360
be still, listen to what it's telling you

00:30:36.360 --> 00:30:37.890
and where it's leading you.

00:30:37.890 --> 00:30:41.250
Because again, one would imagine that

00:30:41.250 --> 00:30:42.690
we are at our rock bottom place

00:30:42.690 --> 00:30:45.780
when we're in the midst of toxicity.

00:30:45.780 --> 00:30:48.120
And that's where we would
expect people to be.

00:30:48.120 --> 00:30:52.800
But you can be on the top
of your game, successful,

00:30:52.800 --> 00:30:54.240
thinking everything is beautiful,

00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:55.200
you have everything you want,

00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:56.910
and then all of a sudden
you crash and burn

00:30:56.910 --> 00:30:59.070
and self sabotage because
there was something

00:30:59.070 --> 00:31:00.837
that you did not deal with.

00:31:00.837 --> 00:31:02.880
And it doesn't have to be a trauma

00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:05.250
or toxicity like that I train,

00:31:05.250 --> 00:31:07.920
but it could be just something within

00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:10.028
that you just haven't addressed yet.

00:31:10.028 --> 00:31:13.470
And you can go out and fix it yourself,

00:31:13.470 --> 00:31:14.910
or get somebody to assist you.

00:31:14.910 --> 00:31:17.253
So that's it just listen to yourself.

00:31:19.200 --> 00:31:20.520
- That is very good advice.

00:31:20.520 --> 00:31:22.470
I think very, very important advice.

00:31:22.470 --> 00:31:23.303
Thank you so much--
- Thank you for having me.

00:31:23.303 --> 00:31:25.380
for coming on today and for
sharing all of your insights.

00:31:25.380 --> 00:31:26.213
This has been great. (laughing)

00:31:26.213 --> 00:31:28.080
- It has been fabulous.

00:31:28.080 --> 00:31:30.240
You're a fabulous
interviewer too, Christina.

00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:31.263
You're very lovely.

00:31:32.580 --> 00:31:34.410
- Aww, thank you so much.

00:31:34.410 --> 00:31:37.650
So guys, entrepreneurs, this
is your call to take action.

00:31:37.650 --> 00:31:39.570
Head over to etatoday.zone

00:31:39.570 --> 00:31:41.550
and learn more about
how to build a business

00:31:41.550 --> 00:31:42.930
that enables your lifestyle

00:31:42.930 --> 00:31:44.880
instead of taking over your life.

00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:47.580
With more great guests, just
like Lori coming up soon.

00:31:47.580 --> 00:31:48.413
Until next time

00:31:48.413 --> 00:31:49.246
Bye.
- Bye.

00:31:52.102 --> 00:31:54.685
(upbeat music)

About Christina Hooper

I help you turn your Superpowers into Sales so you can build a business that enables your lifestyle instead of taking over your life. I'm also StoryBrand Certified Guide, BMS Certified Coach, and DigitalMarketer Certified Partner.

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